Blowing Bubbles in Traffic

{waves} Hi fellow bloggers!

I know you were expecting to see a post by Ace today, but I’ve taken over!! World Domination, one blog at a time!!!

Ok, I’m kidding {left eye twitching}.

I am Aunt Nikki, the super aunt of 14 nieces and nephews. My blog tells it all. Come and check me out at Auntof14. But first, let’s discuss something, shall we?

I ♥ Ace. If you’re here today, that means you love her too! Yeah, she’s the bee’s knees, isn’t she? She is also very busy this week and has asked if I would step in today.

So, what should I talk about today? Let’s see. I broke a nail getting ready for work this morning and it is annoying the heck out of me. {nibbling on edge of right pinky fingernail} Oh, oh I’ve got a secret! Don’t tell Ace, okay? Did you know that she…? Wait, I can’t share that. She’d kill me. And then I wouldn’t be able to guest blog for her. And then I would have really let her down, wouldn’t I? Okay, nevermind then. Let’s move on, shall we?

Right, we need a topic… Ok, here goes!

♥One day after work, I was on I-5 and traffic was much worse than usual. I didn’t see any accidents, can’t hear the radio to find out what’s up… but I figured that maybe the University of Washington was having their graduation ceremony. Happens every June, and it always backs the I-5 up for miles and miles.

For years, people have been telling me how awful traffic is in Seattle and I honestly never felt it was THAT bad. Coming from Los Angeles… with its 6 lane freeways and two carpool lanes, backed-up traffic was horrendous. Here in Seattle, everything is remedial. We only have a maximum of 3 lanes in Seattle (maybe 4 lanes south of Seattle but I don’t go there often) and only one lane for carpools. I rarely ever had to sit in traffic for more than an extra 5 minutes here and there… to me, it was always flowing. Always moving, none of that bumper to bumper go-stop-wait 10 minutes-go-stop-wait 10 minutes-go-stop… you get the idea.

That is, until yesterday. I got off at 4:00, had an appointment to catch in downtown Seattle at 5:00. Normally, I can get from work to there in half an hour. Sometimes 20 minutes if I am lucky. 45 minutes at the most, when traffic is more congested.

I was so tired, having woken up every.single.hour the night before. And every time I woke up, I couldn’t go back to sleep fast enough. Because of that, I was irritable and the traffic was all stopped up something awful. It was more like stop-go-stop-wait 15 minutes-go-stop-go-stop-go-stop-go-stop-wait 20 minutes-go-stop-go-stop bumper to bumper hell. The rich man in a fancy BMW behind me, the same Mini-Van Mommy that stayed to the right of me… and to the left the same 16-year-old pimple faced teenage boy with his bangs hanging down to his chin and slapping his hands on his steering wheel to the beat of some heavy rock music blaring in his car was following me for an entire hour. *sigh* My car was swelling and vibrating with the bass of the left car's stereo.

Not to worry, I had company. A little spider was creeping along the driver’s side window. About the size of a brick dime. INside the car. Not my favorite kind of company, but I knew I wasn’t alone and I also knew that if frustration got the best of me, I had something I could kill without guilt on my conscience. For now, as long as it stayed 100 feet from me, we were cool. Not that 100 feet is achievable when I am sitting in the driver’s seat and the spider is creeping along the driver’s side window. As long as the spider minded its own business and didn’t turn its creepy eyes on me. I could have opened the window and shooed it out, but I was too afraid that if I opened the window, Spider would flee towards me instead… or the wind would blow it in my direction. Totally not acceptable. No. Nuh huh. Thank you Sir, but NO.

In front of me was an ancient looking beat-up Toyota. Its paint was either peeling or rusting. I couldn’t tell if the paint was supposed to be orange, red or brown. Its muffler was hacking up something awful. A plastic sheet was covering one of its back passenger windows, one corner having gotten free and was flapping in the air. One side of the rear bumper was hanging by a thread.

I decided to pop in a piece of chewing gum. Ok, so I popped in two pieces. I wanted to blow bubbles, and everybody knows you can’t really blow good decent bubbles with just one Trident gum. But I could, if I was chewing two pieces.
Suddenly, traffic started to speed up a little. Everyone got excited and hit the gas to move ahead. The ancient camaro roared to life in front of me, its muffler spewing a heavy, intense cloud of smoke that actually engulfed my car. I was blinded for a moment while it went rolling around me. The traffic came to a standstill. Again.

Once the smoke cleared, I could tell we had moved about 3 inches. Woohoo! THREE whole inches!! YES, that is progress! I grinded on my gum and glanced at the dashboard clock. 4:35. I’ve been on the freeway for 35 minutes and hardly even came three miles. I still had more than 10 to go!! And only 25 minutes until my appointment. I started feeling nervous… I’ve never been late to an appointment before. EVER. I’ve always arrived right on time or earlier. It’s a thing of mine. I don’t like being late to anything. Even though doctors are famous for making you wait and wait and wait before they would see you… I still couldn’t handle being late. I was sure it was punishable by the power of conscience or something if I was a minute or two late. I know I’ve got to loosen up but hey, that’s not the point here. The spider crawled back along the window in the opposite direction. More towards me. Icky poo. *shudders*

I blew a bubble which failed. It popped and shriveled up against my lips. I gathered all the gum with my tongue and my teeth and chewed, getting ready to try another bubble. This time, the bubble was bigger, more of a success I would say! Back to grinding my teeth on gum. It was actually helpful, as I was getting frustrated and agitated with the time and traffic. I glanced over at Mini-Van Mom and she was dully staring back at me. I smiled and turned away. I peered in my rearview mirror and the same rich man in his fancy BMW was behind me, his head cocked to one side. I don’t know what he was thinking. I blew on my gum again and whoa-oa! This was a large bubble! It didn’t pop instantly, and I wondered how long I could hold it. It didn’t last very long, but longer than usual. I was proud of my little achievement.

The large bubble whistled flat and shriveled against my mouth again. Again, I gathered the gum in my mouth and started to grind. There was an extra mound to chew, which was strange but I chewed anyway. *splinch with a little crunch*

Ugh. What was that?

…WAIT.A.MINUTE!!!!...

I immediately glanced at my side window. The spider was GONE! Something foreign, something alien was in my mouth!!! Something OTHER than my gum! AND THE SPIDER WAS GONE!!! What to do, what to do??!! I desperately wanted to open my door and flee, run down the freeway amongst stilled cars and scream my head off “I’VE GOT A SPIDER IN MY MOUTH!!! ARRRRUGGHHHH!!!!!!” I am not sure I did NOT do that, actually.

I felt little legs struggling in the sticky goo of my gum. A new flavor emerged. It was tangy and sour. I gagged and glanced around the interior of my car for something to spit my gum in. Terror was swelling up from my lungs to my throat. 7 minutes went by before I finally found something to spit my gum out in. Poor Little spider was mutilated into pieces. I gagged and dry-heaved. 7 more minutes went by and I was still struggling to keep the bile from rising in my throat.

What if it was poisonous? What if I am going to die and it happens right here in my car in the middle of I-5? People around me would honk and screech at me because I was holding up more cars… with traffic already so horrendous. The cops would be called and when they came, they would see my lifeless body laying limp in the drivers seat, my torso held back by my seat belt, my head lolling to one side and my open eyes staring blankly at nothing. My car automatically locks when it has been moving for 1 minute, so they would struggle to gain access. What would happen to my mom, my dogs, my family? They cannot survive without me (or so I like to think). What about that rather hot love note from my ex thats hiding in the garage-- what will my family think when they find it? I should have gotten rid of it a long time ago!

What if...

My mouth agape, I happened to look up and my eyes met the 16-year-old pimple faced teenage boy with his bangs to his chin to the left of my car. Amazingly, from underneath that mess of long greasy hair, I could see his eyes looking back at me. He started to smirk a little. Then his car moved forward and disappeared from sight.

The fact that he disappeared from sight startled me so, because we had been sitting forever in non-moving traffic. Nothing was supposed to be moving. We were in traffic, for petes sake! Once I was startled, the REAL smoke from the ancient camaro cleared up as it rolled towards the back of my car. My heart was beating wildly and my teeth were grinding on gum, my eyes were wide open and staring straight ahead. The spider was still crawling on the window, creeping closer and closer to me. I glanced at the dashboard clock again. 4:36.

Wha?

I was daydreaming a.g.a.i.n.?.! With my hands shaking, I dug into my purse to take up my blackberry. Law be damned (you can’t use the cell phone and drive at the same time in King County, where I was at the moment) I fumbled and quickly texted my doctor to let her know I was running late because of horrid traffic and she.had.better.be.ready.to.see.me.immediately.!.!.!...

Good thing, my doctor was actually my therapist!♥

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Thanks for giving me the day off Aunt Nikki and for the great post!